Might it just be the wrong partner? I recognize so much in your story. And I was on the verge of trying what you try now when I met my current partner. And luckily I didn't need it anymore.

I'm not made for slutty, I concluded. I need to trust my sexual partner and feel a deep connection to dare being completely open and embrace my sexuality fully. Now my life is flowy and super-sexy. Better than I ever imagined it could be. And the good thing? I have a family now. Two bonus daughters, three bonus grandchildren. Never thought my story would be like this. Mighty adventurous!

I really hope your rewilding your soul will bring you what it brought me, dear Yael. Happy exploring! And you know, failure doesn't exist. There are only evolutionary lessons...